


your beauty shines and lights up the sky

by theomegapoint



Series: Kinktober 2019 [14]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Blow Jobs, Discrimination, Kinktober 2019, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, emotional quotation of taylor swift lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 07:06:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21267032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theomegapoint/pseuds/theomegapoint
Summary: “You being upset is a big deal to me,” Connor says. He touches Evan’s cheek again, thumb brushing across Evan’s skin. “I’m your alpha. It’s my job to make sure you’re happy.”“I’m—it’s just me being sensitive.” Evan doesn’t shy away from Connor’s touch this time. Instead, he lets his eyes flutter close and tries to will his scent neutral. “You know, it’s just. People say things about. People say things about betas and I should stop, um. I shouldn’t. It shouldn’t get to me.”





	your beauty shines and lights up the sky

“Hey,” Connor says. It’s quiet and gentle, and not for the first time Evan thinks that if he told anyone else that Connor could be like this, they wouldn’t believe him. “What’s up, Pando?”

“Nothing.” Evan quickly wipes the tears from his eyes and tries to smile. “How was your day?”

“Shit, like usual. It’s school.” Connor absently picks up Evan’s backpack and slings it over his shoulder. “You gonna tell me what’s up, or am I gonna have to kidnap you and take you to a forest before you feel ready to tell me?”

“It’s nothing,” Evan repeats. He doesn’t want Connor to worry and it’s stupid anyway. It doesn’t matter. “Let’s. Let’s just go, okay? My, um. My mom won’t be home until late.”

“Pando, I’m a horndog alpha, but I’m not _stupid_.” Connor reaches out, touching Evan’s cheek. “You were crying again. Do I have to beat up Kleinman for your honor?”

“Just. Just drop it.” Evan steps out of Connor’s reach, not meeting his eye. “Please, Connor.”

It’s obvious that Connor doesn’t want to drop it, but he reaches out and tangles their fingers together, leading Evan toward his car anyway. They make the drive in silence, aside from the car radio playing some indie band that Evan doesn’t know. That’s not surprising—Evan only recognizes every fifth or sixth band that Connor listens to. This one is soft and romantic, which Evan likes much better than what he thinks of as Connor’s “depression music.” Those songs are darker, _angrier_. They’re alpha music, which sets Evan on edge. He’s—despite Jared’s constant comments, he’s not actually an omega, but he’s no alpha either and the fierceness of Connor’s music just. It sometimes makes Evan nervous, is all. Then again, everything makes him nervous.

He’s so nervous that even though he knows his mom isn’t home, he check for her anyway before leading Connor into his room. Evan expects Connor to just take him up on the blatant offer he made earlier, but he should’ve known better. Connor is extremely and annoyingly stubborn when he sets his mind to something, and the one thing that’s always sure to catch his attention is Evan being upset. Which—it’s _really_ not that big of a deal. It’s not.

“You being upset is a big deal to me,” Connor says. He touches Evan’s cheek again, thumb brushing across Evan’s skin. “I’m your alpha. It’s my job to make sure you’re happy.”

“I’m—it’s just me being sensitive.” Evan doesn’t shy away from Connor’s touch this time. Instead, he lets his eyes flutter close and tries to will his scent neutral. “You know, it’s just. People say things about. People say things about betas and I should stop, um. I shouldn’t. It shouldn’t get to me.”

“That’s _bullshit_.” Connor’s voice is low, the words almost a snarl, and Evan can’t help the fear and anxiety that seep into his scent. It makes Connor pet at Evan’s hair gently. “Sorry. I’m sorry, Pando. You just—I hate when you say shit like that about yourself. You’d never let me say shit like that, so you’re not allowed to either.”

Evan breathes in and then releases it slowly. It’s one of the things his therapist taught him to reduce anxiety. It only works sometimes—now isn’t one of those times. 

“Someone said,” Evan starts and then he immediate stops, aware that Connor will be angry. Swallowing, Evan continues, words quieter. “Someone said betas aren’t good for anything when we’re just weak alphas. At, at least when we’re weak omegas we can bear children.”

Connor growls, and Evan shies away. It makes Connor stop and scoot closer to Evan, petting his hair again. Evan hates how easy he is to calm. Gently, Connor rubs their cheeks together in a friendly scenting, and Evan relaxes a little. Connor is safe. Connor is the only alpha that Evan has ever truly felt safe around, which maybe has less to do with his dynamic preferences and more to do with the fact that Connor is the only alpha that makes an effort to curb himself for Evan’s sake. Not. Not that he should have to, but Evan appreciates it all the same.

“Fuck them,” Connor murmurs. One of his hands has worked its way under Evan’s shirt, settling against his side. The touch is simple, but _oh_ it makes Evan want. “You’re worth twice a real alpha, if they’re shitty enough to tear down other people to feel bigger.”

“I mean, they’re right,” Evan says quietly. He feels Connor’s fingers curl around him. “I’m not. I’m not good at anything an alpha is good at and I’m not good at anything an omega is either. I’m just. I’m just a beta.”

“Don’t fucking say shit like that.” Connor nips at Evan’s earlobe and Evan yelps in surprise. “What did your shrink say about that kind of talk?”

“That, um. That it’s detrimental and I shouldn’t, uh. Shouldn’t do it?”

“Damn straight.” Connor gently pushes on Evan’s shoulder, guiding him into lying on the bed until Connor’s above him. “I love you and you’re fucking worth it. Do you need me to show you?”

It makes him feel weak, but Evan nods. He hasn’t managed to tell Connor yet, but he likes nothing more than when Connor’s attention is fully on him. It feels selfish, but Connor seems happy to devote attention to Evan as much as Evan wants. He pushes Evan’s shirt up, prompting him to remove it, and kisses his way down the center of Evan’s chest, fingers working at the button of Evan’s jeans. He helps Evan shed those, along with his boxers, and then Connor presses a kiss to Evan’s hip.

“You’re not a weak alpha,” Connor says. His tone is firm, just the barest hint of alpha to it, and Evan shivers. “You’re a beta. You’re _my_ beta.”

Even if Evan wanted to protest the statement, Connor chooses that moment to take the head of Evan’s cock into his mouth and all the words fly out of Evan’s head. He can’t think of anything but the way Connor’s mouth feels around him, the way his hands have settled on Evan’s hips, bearing down on him and holding him in place. It’s like the entire world has narrowed down to the places where Connor is touching him, and Evan can’t help the sob that comes from his throat. He _wants_, and Connor is kind enough to give. To remind him that he’s enough just as he is, that there’s nothing wrong with being a beta that’s taken on more alpha-esque traits than omega ones.

That he is _loved_.

The very idea of that is overwhelming, all-encompassing in a way that makes Evan want to cry. There are parts of him that still believe the ugly things other people say about betas, about him, but Connor can wipe it all away with the sheer force of the way he loves Evan. It’s like a wildfire burning through all of Evan’s defenses, a blaze that cannot be tamed and that Evan makes no attempt to curb. He just lets it burn through him, to clear away all of the rotting detritus so that new things can bloom. So that it feels like spring, like the way wildflowers will grow where you least expect them.

Like they’re the only two people in the world and what came before doesn’t count anymore or even matter. As if it’s only him and Connor and that’s all it needs to be. As if the rest of the world falls away, leaving only them.

“Connor,” Evan says, and the words catch in his throat. “_Connor_.”

“I’m here,” Connor says. His hand finds Evan’s, tangling their fingers together and bringing Evan’s hand to his mouth to kiss it. “I’m right here.”

Evan tries to say what he means, but instead he just sobs, broken and overwhelmed. Connor brushes away his tears, kissing his forehead, and Evan tries to stop crying but he can’t. Connor gentles him, humming some song that Evan doesn’t know until he’s managed to stop _crying_ and is instead just taking shuddering, shaky breaths.

“Connor,” Evan starts, and then he doesn’t know what comes after. “Alpha.”

“Right here,” Connor says, tone so soft and gentle that Evan doesn’t know why anyone thinks that Connor is anything but sweet. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I love you,” Evan manages. It doesn’t encompass the enormity of what he wants to say, but it’ll have to do. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Connor touches their foreheads together, fingers petting Evan’s hair. “You’re the best thing that’s ever been mine.”

Something about the phrasing sticks in Evan’s mind—he’s pretty good at picking out what Connor’s come up with himself and what’s random song lyrics or memes and that doesn’t feel like something Connor would come up with. He’s romantic, but never in such a direct way. As they’re lying there, Evan recovering and Connor still humming something that Evan doesn’t recognize, Evan realizes what it is.

“Taylor Swift,” he says, making Connor pause to look at him. “You. It’s a Taylor Swift song. I didn’t even know you knew any Taylor Swift songs.”

“Zoe likes her,” Connor says, with a particular tone that Evan’s come to recognize is the way siblings talk about each other. “They’re catchy songs.”

“I can’t believe you, you quoted Taylor Swift to me in _bed_.” Evan laughs, both at the absurdity of it and how light he feels. “You. You’re a terrible alpha.”

“Are you telling me you don’t want me to tell you I see sparks fly whenever you smile?” Connor’s smiling in that way he so rarely does, careless and unselfconscious. “That loving you was red? We’re dancing like we’re made of starlight, Pango, we never go out of style.”

“Stop,” Evan says, still laughing. “Oh my god, _stop_. Are you, are you a _Swiftie_? I’m, I’m gonna tell the whole school. Then they’ll see you’re just, like. You’re just a creampuff.”

“No one will ever believe you,” Connor says, mock serious. “And if they did, I would have to kill them.”

Evan laughs, burying his face in Connor’s side, and for once? He feels fine.

**Author's Note:**

> pando is the name of a [super old quaking aspen colony](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pando_\(tree\)) and the perfect name to call your tree-obsessed boyfriend when he won't let you call him [methuselah](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Methuselah_\(tree\)) because "that's weird"


End file.
